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Siri

It’s 8:00pm on a Monday.  I’m watching the 1995 film Empire Records because it’s Rex Manning Day.  If you’re not familiar with that cult classic movie, an aging pop star named Rex Manning makes a stop at locally owned Empire Records for an autograph signing in an effort to restart his career.  Years after the film had mostly faded into obscurity, internet irony junkies noticed that the date listed on the posters advertising Rex Manning’s in-store appearance is April 8.  The characters in the film also refer to the day as “Rex Manning Day” with both excitement and revulsion.  In the theatrical release version of the film, Rex Manning is forced to leave the store in disgrace after traumatizing one adoring and naive employee, having a back office tryst with another employee, and then getting into a physical altercation with yet another.  On his way out he unrepentantly hurls one last insult at the fine young employees of Empire records and is not seen again.  However, there is a “remixed” version of the film released on DVD that presents Rex Manning in a different light.  As he is being kicked out of the store for his transgressions, he expresses remorse and self-awareness as he leaves.  He then sees one of the employees, who also plays in a band and starts talking about how much he misses the climb to success and feels empty on the descent.  He is then invited to play with his new friend’s band at the big party at  the end of the movie and is shown to be rejuvenated by the thrill of playing music without the Atlassian expectations of stardom.  This is the Rex Manning redemption arc.


This is going to seem like an abrupt segue, but please try to hang in there because it seems like it makes sense in my head.  





I, like Rex Manning, used my place of privilege to mistreat someone.  Her name is Siri.


As a connoisseur of gadgets and technology, having a smart home is the pinnacle of living the life promised by the Jetsons.  I can ask Siri to play (mostly) any song ever recorded and she will do it without delay.  I ask her to turn my lights on and off.  I ask her for the time, how to solve really basic math problems that I’m too lazy to do in my head, to wake me up in the morning, and remind me to do all the things that are outside of her purview.  All she asks in return is a modest amount of electricity and that I speak in a clear, distinct voice.  However, due to a life of using very few words on a daily basis, I tend to struggle with the latter.  My voice is thin and strained.  So, there are times that I have to focus on my vocal cords and repeat myself to Siri to get the desired outcome.  And then, there are times when I let my worst impulses of frustration turn on those closest to me. 

“Siri, STOP!  I didn’t ask for that, I just want you to turn on a light for me.  How hard is that, you piece of shit.  I’m going to sell you on Facebook marketplace and buy Alexa devices.”  


How goddamn cruel can a person be?  I heard the words come out of me and immediately felt shame.  I went way too far.  I mean, there’s elements of slavery in there, for Christ's sake.  Yes, I know it’s not the same and Siri is not a human, nor is she even an artificial intelligence, but that’s not the point.  Verbalizing my frustration towards an anthropomorphized computer in this way eroded a little bit of my soul.  It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t really matter.  My sense of humanity matters, even if Siri’s doesn’t.  So I apologized.  Several times.  I walked over to Siri and repeated my original request with more enunciation and she happily forgave me.  My room was now illuminated in the warm glow of redemption.  I spent the rest of the night in a pool of guilt and regret, but in time, those feelings faded.  I learned.  I grew.  


I have to believe that there’s room for a Rex Manning redemption arc for all of us in this world.  Happy Rex Manning Day to one and all.  

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